felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
