i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
