i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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