That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
