you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
