I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
