Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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