i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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