I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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