I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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