i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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