when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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