i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
