So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
vagina is talking i cant
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
