I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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