Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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