I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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