at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
