your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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