i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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