shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
