gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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