Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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