Where did you get a picture of my penis
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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