I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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