It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
