I am puke
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
