you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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