hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
