If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
