I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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