Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
