I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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