So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
