Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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