Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
