i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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