I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
