I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
