the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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