I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
