I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
