your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
birth control should be required to get into college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
