You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
