it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
