absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
