I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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