i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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