It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
