He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how does that bad decision feel?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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