i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
