It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
