I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
