omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize