She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
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don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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