i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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